We invest in our health. We pay attention to nutrition, exercise, and sleep. But how much attention do we actually pay to the people we share our lives with?
We are more connected than ever. Contacts can be made in seconds, messages can be sent at any time, and friendships can be maintained across continents. But the number of our contacts says little about how connected we actually feel.
Perhaps one of the most important questions for our well-being lies elsewhere: With which people do we really feel comfortable?
Well connected. But also well connected?
A full calendar can be a sign of a lively social life. However, it reveals surprisingly little about the quality of our relationships.
We spend an evening with people and go home feeling invigorated. After another encounter, we feel strangely exhausted. Some conversations make us feel understood. Others remain superficial, even though we have known each other for years.
Social contacts and emotional connection are simply not the same.
It is often the little things that help us recognize good relationships: genuine interest, a conversation that goes deep, or the certainty that we do not have to pretend. People who ask follow-up questions and are also interested in the answer. Who rejoice with us when something goes well, and who stay when things get difficult.
Sometimes a single conversation in which we are truly heard is more valuable than an entire evening full of small talk.
What science says about relationships and health
That social connection is relevant to our well-being is long past being just a nice idea.
The World Health Organization published a comprehensive report on social connection in 2025. In it, it describes loneliness and social isolation as significant public health challenges. Social relationships influence our emotional experience and are at the same time connected to our physical and mental health.
Particularly interesting is an international study published in The Lancet Healthy Longevity in October 2026. The researchers analyzed data from 39,021 people aged 50 and over from five international longitudinal studies in the USA, England, Europe, China, and Japan.
People with stronger social connections had, on average, better scores in their overall functional capacity at the beginning of the study, particularly in psychological and cognitive areas.
However, no clear association was found with a slower subsequent decline in these abilities. The study therefore provides no evidence that more contacts automatically lead to a healthier or longer life.
What is remarkable instead is that active social participation was among the most consistent aspects of social connection. So it is also about participating in the lives of others, being part of a community, and actually experiencing connection.
Quality counts. But what does quality mean?
What makes a good relationship?
Perhaps we recognize it precisely in the unspectacular things.
In being able to express a thought before it is fully formulated. In someone asking a follow-up question and really wanting to hear the answer. In being able to laugh together, even at ourselves. In being allowed to disagree without immediately questioning the connection.
And in the fact that relationships enable mutuality .
Harvard psychiatrist Robert Waldinger, director of the long-running Harvard Study of Adult Development, has been studying the importance of relationships for a good life for decades. In an interview with Harvard Catalyst in January 2026, he describes how interpersonal relationships can help absorb stress and calm down again after stressful situations.
This can be a conversation with your partner. A phone call with a friend. Or someone who simply listens while we try to sort through the thoughts of a tiring day.
Of course, not every relationship is always easy. Closeness also brings differences, conflicts, and expectations. What matters is how we deal with each other when things get difficult. Whether we listen to each other, tolerate different perspectives, and can come back together after an argument.
Friendships need more than good intentions
An interesting phenomenon of modern life: We have an astonishing number of opportunities to stay in touch with each other – and yet we often find too little time for one another.
"We absolutely must see each other again." A sentence we probably all know. Often sincerely meant. And then weeks or months pass. Between work, family, travel, obligations, and personal projects, friendships easily slip into the remaining time slots.
Yet relationships need shared experiences and small forms of reliability. A short call in between can mean more than a long message. And a spontaneous coffee sometimes more than a meeting that has been pushed back and forth in the calendar for months.
A walk that happens regularly. A meal together. An invitation without a special occasion.
Especially in Europe, such forms of togetherness have a long cultural tradition: the shared lunch, the coffee house, the aperitivo, the Sunday walk.
Their value often lies in something very simple: We take time for each other. Perhaps that is precisely a surprisingly modern form of luxury today.
Not every relationship needs the same closeness
As different as people are, their relationships can also be different.
Some friendships live on daily exchange, others on rare but intense encounters. Some people love large groups, others feel more comfortable in conversations between two people.
And sometimes, an animal is also part of these special relationships. Anyone who walks a dog or shares everyday life with a cat knows this particular form of familiarity. Animals can provide closeness, consistency, and companionship – often without words. They too can take an important place in our emotional lives.
Then there are also those special friendships where we meet again after months and within a few minutes continue talking right where we left off.
Relationships also change. Life phases, distances, interests, and priorities shift.
Therefore, good relationship maintenance does not have to mean maintaining every contact with the same intensity. It can be just as valuable to consciously notice which relationships are good for us, which are changing, and where we want to invest more attention.
What matters is what place encounters take in our lives – and what importance we give them.
Sometimes this also includes the realization that a relationship demands more energy than it gives us. Boundaries are part of healthy relationships just as openness and care are.
Sojourn Ritual: A conversation that gets space
Perhaps more connection does not need a new social event. But simply a moment in which we give each other our full attention.
1. Choose a person
Think of someone you would like to spend more time with. Perhaps a friend you haven't seen in a long time. Or someone who has long been part of your everyday life, but with whom you rarely really talk.
2. Create a moment
A coffee, a walk, a shared dinner. The meeting needs no special occasion and no elaborate program.
3. Ask a different question
Instead of "How are you?", perhaps:
“What is really on your mind right now?”
Or:
“What are you looking forward to at the moment?”
4. Really listen
Let the conversation find its own rhythm. Give the answer space, even if it turns out surprisingly. Perhaps a completely different conversation than expected will arise from it.
5. Carry the connection forward
Perhaps a next meeting will arise from it. A new habit. Or simply the nice feeling of having come a little closer together again.
Sojourn Takeaway
We spend a lot of time thinking about what is good for our bodies. Perhaps it is worth paying our relationships the same attention.
Because well-being also arises between people. In conversations, time spent together, genuine interest, and the feeling of belonging.
Sometimes the most valuable form of self-care is the time we spend together.
And perhaps it begins with a very simple question: With whom do I want to spend some real time again?
